Growing up I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.
My mom stayed home with my sister and I all during my school years. She was at every class party, every sporting event, joined the PTA…did all of the things that stay-at-home moms do.
I knew that when it got time for me to have kids that I wanted to be a stay at home parent, too.
Then this new world of working from home opened up. Not just for me but for hundreds upon hundreds of moms who don’t want to sacrifice being away from their children all day to work a job that they don’t even really like.
The husband and I both assumed that once Little Man got old enough to go to PreSchool that we would enroll him. He’d go to school, I’d get a job, and we’d go on about our business like it was nothing.
Then we sat down and did the math and actually figured up what it would cost to send our son to PreSchool.
The prices of childcare is ridiculous.
I spent a lot of time debating whether or not to send our son to PreSchool before deciding that Homeschooling might work better for our family. I weighed the options and really thought it through before I made my choice.
And now, I am battling a case of working mom guilt.
Not guilt because I’m missing time with my son, because we DO, in fact, spend a lot of time hanging out…just him and me.
Rather, I feel guilty that I love my job so much. That I enjoy being work at home mom.
I don’t regret my decision to ditch cleaning my house all the time and cooking full course meals. I don’t feel bad for leaving the laundry piled up on the dryer for four or five days at a time because I’m working on a new design. I don’t regret staying up an extra few hours at night to get things done in silence (except for in the mornings when I have to climb back out of bed…).
For the first time in a long time I’m doing something for me because I love it.
And I think that is where my guilt is coming from.
Being a mom and a wife is 99.9% about everyone else. Making sure that they are taken care of. That your children have been bathed, fed, interacted with and loved on day in and day out. That your husband knows you still adore him and idolize him (even if he thinks you’d rather marry your iMac…ahem…). That there are at least clean clothes to where, even if they aren’t folded.
And in actuality I do those things. Every single day.
I spend my mornings and early afternoons with my son; playing and watching cartoons, feeding him, bathing him, loving on him like I should. I work for a few hours in the afternoon while he naps and has “down time” and then the husband comes home. We cook together, watch the occasional movie, spend time out and about and with our friends. And then they go to sleep while I stay up and work.
When we first got married and I was a pregnant housewife waiting for our firstborn to arrive, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to earn money for our family. Living off of one income with a baby on the way was hard. We made it through it and I don’t regret those hard times at all. But now that I’m doing something I love and can contribute to our family, I have a sense of accomplishment and pride in myself that I haven’t felt in a long time.
I feel successful and confident because I’m doing something that I’m good at. I’m earning an income. I’m providing and contributing to our household budget.
So, what’s with this darn guilt?
Is it just because I’m still adjusting to the fact that for the first time since Little Man was born my entire day isn’t focused on him? And since it’s not…is that okay?
Do you work from home? Did you ever experience “working mom guilt” because your career became an important role in your life?
Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out.