One of the most frustrating things about trying to get pregnant, is dealing with the comments and input from people who A) don’t know that you are trying to conceive and therefore offer up their opinions on why you should be; or B) know that you are trying for another baby and continuously ask you what the holdup is.
Not everyone chooses to publicize the fact that they are (or aren’t) looking to expand and add to their family. A lot of women choose to keep it quite so that if they DO have trouble conceiving, they don’t have to deal with the unsolicited advice from friends and family members (and perfect strangers) who have never had any trouble having kids.
But no matter what the circumstance might be, whether you tell the world you’re wanting a kid or keep it mum, there are just some things that other women (and men) shouldn’t say to a woman who may or may not be trying to have a(nother) baby.
From People who have no clue you’re trying:
- Have you guys thought about having another kid? That little boy sure could use a sibling…
- You know, it’s pretty selfish to have only one child. You’re setting him (or her if that’s the case in your house) up to be spoiled and think things revolve around him.
- Don’t you guys want more children? I can’t imagine having only one…
- Geez, are you done already? He must have been a bad baby since you guys don’t seem to want anymore…
- So I guess you’re one of those “career” moms who puts her future and business ahead of her family.
From those who do know you’re trying:
- What’s taking so long? I got pregnant my first try with all of my kids.
- You know, the further apart they are in age, the less likely it is that they will ever be close friends.
- If you were worried about their age difference, maybe you should have started trying earlier.
- Just relax….if you don’t think about it that much, it will happen.
- You must be doing it wrong. We didn’t have any trouble (and then they proceed to talk to you about how to do it….)
- Everything happens for a reason…(or)…it could be worse…
- You should just enjoy what little life you have with only one child. Things get so much busier when you have a second.
The fact of the matter is when a woman gets ready to add to her family, she’s usually ready right then. And not being able to conceive as soon as you’d hope to, is a bit frustrating. Sure, I am aware that everything is in God’s time. I understand that he has a little angel baby in heaven all picked out and ready to send to us in his time. But for now, my schedule and his just don’t seem to be the same. And while I know that most people really don’t mean anything by their comments or their “suggestions,” they still tend to rub me the wrong way and slightly irritate me from time to time.
We know that there is a reason for everything. And we know that not thinking about it technically “should” make it happen. But that’s not always the case. And women who have struggled with infertility for long periods of time and really want to have children truthfully don’t want to hear that “things could get worse.” Because for them, they probably can’t.
From one mom trying-to-conceive to the rest of you who aren’t, if you hear that a friend or acquaintance is getting ready to start, or add on to, her family, a nice simple “Congratulations!” will suffice. And if someone you know is struggling with infertility, most of the time (unless it’s a really close friend who feels comfortable sharing with you) they would just assume have a hug and an encouraging word instead of your “advice” on what they should be doing differently.