A little over a week ago I put out a plea on Facebook. A plea for prayer.
Many of you who follow me on my personal Facebook page know that for the last eight months or so I’ve been battling long term bouts of vertigo and extreme dizziness and nausea. Dizziness to a point of making several trips to my doctor that eventually led her to put in orders for me to have an MRI.
I had my MRI and the results came back with some not so wonderful news…news that could turn our entire lives upside down.
Now, before anyone jumps to assumptions, let me say that as of right now they have no reason to think that I have brain cancer or any kind of brain tumor. They didn’t find that on my scan. My optic nerve and various other areas of my brain look completely normal.
They did, however, find many large patches of white matter lesions, the largest being located deeper within the matter of my brain and in an area that is directly responsible for causing dizziness (which explains the unexplained spells that I’ve been battling since we came home from our vacation this summer).
These lesions are leading all of the doctors who have read my scans to believe that I have early onset multiple sclerosis. We are leaving Wednesday morning to go to Anchorage to see the neurologist to verify that this is what it is, so as of now nothing is set in stone or confirmed…we’re still keeping our fingers crossed that I am completely fine and have no issues.
For those of you reading this who have or know someone who has MS, you know what a life altering condition it can be. Right now, the only symptoms I’m showing are the white matter lesions and the dizziness that comes unexpectedly and at random times. Tests have already ruled out the possibility of Lyme Disease and medicines have already ruled out the likelihood that I am experiencing headache. The duration of my dizzy spells have ruled out BPPV (Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo).
And even though I have every reason in the world to get upset or freak out or ask God “WHY ME?!”…I am completely and totally at peace. I have felt a wave of “I don’t need to understand this…” and “God has his hand on me…he’s the one who is in control…” wash over me.
Because I know that no matter what happens, I’m resting in HIS hands. I have too many dreams, too many ambitions, too many goals to let something like this get me down…especially when it’s something that I don’t have any control over anyway.
And I have a family who needs me. A family who needs me to be at my best, even if I can’t necessarily always be at my best physically. They need me to be happy and to enjoy the life that I’ve been given. And I will. I want to enjoy the life with them that God has blessed me with. So I’m choosing NOT to stress…not to worry too much…just to BE present.
Because I’m in his hands and he promises a plan and a purpose…
So I’m trusting that.