I know that I should learn to let go a little bit…
to trust people to take care of you the way that I do.
But that will never happen.
Because no one can take care of you the way that I can.
We’ve talked about sending you to preschool, but the thought of leaving you with someone you don’t know for a long period of time terrifies me.
What if they don’t understand you? Understand your words and your phrases? What if they can’t decipher you the way that I can?
What if they don’t realize that you are a little skittish when it comes to heights and that even going potty on a big boy stool makes you nervous? What if they don’t know that they have to hold your hand or stand right behind you, just so that you know that no one is going to let you fall in when you go tee-tee like a big boy?
What if they don’t know that you sleep with your mouth open, thus waking up from your naps with severe cotton mouth? Cotton mouth so bad that you almost immediately have to have something to drink when you wake up?
What if they don’t understand that your puppy dog isn’t just a stuffed animal to you? Puppy dog is a friend, a playmate, a companion who must go everywhere with you. Puppy dog isn’t to be shared because he’s your friend and not everyone else’s.
What if they try to force you to share? They won’t understand that you love that little stuffed dog like there is no tomorrow. And they’ll get on to you for not sharing your toys…tell you that you have to share or you can’t bring it back.
What if they don’t know that you eat everything with a spoon and not a fork? That you can drink out of a cup, but only with a straw? That you have to fold your hands to say the blessing before meals and that someone other than you has to say “Amen?” What if they don’t understand that you like your hotdogs cut up into pieces and served with ketchup? That you only eat the middle of Oreo’s and that you prefer Ritz Crackers by themselves instead of with Peanut Butter or Cheese?
Mommies know these things.
This mommy knows the shape of your face and the curve of your lips when you are doing something sneaky. This mommy knows that having someone disappointed in you breaks your heart; breaks it so badly that the only way anyone can fix it is with a hug, a kiss and the assurance that you are forgiven. I know that puppy dog requires a hug and a kiss before nap time and bedtime just like you do.
I know that there is a special routine for getting ready for any kind of sleep-nap or bedtime. A routine that requires me telling you that I love you “this much” while stretching my arms out as far as they will go and then wrapping you up. A routine that requires you to do the same…
“Mommy, I love you disssssssss much!”
Then I have to kiss your tiny little mouth, your nose, each of your eyes, and both of your ears. Because that’s just how much I love you. And then you do it back…Hugs, Kiss, Nose, Eyes, Ears.
I know one day I’ll have to let you go. Have to let you journey off into the big wide world and face whatever may come.
I know that.
And you will.
But, for now…
you can stay with me a little longer.
Because everyone else isn’t ready.