I know that I should learn to let go a little bit…
to trust people to take care of you the way that I do.
But that will never happen.
Because no one can take care of you the way that I can.
No one.
We’ve talked about sending you to preschool, but the thought of leaving you with someone you don’t know for a long period of time terrifies me.
What if they don’t understand you? Understand your words and your phrases? What if they can’t decipher you the way that I can?
What if they don’t realize that you are a little skittish when it comes to heights and that even going potty on a big boy stool makes you nervous? What if they don’t know that they have to hold your hand or stand right behind you, just so that you know that no one is going to let you fall in when you go tee-tee like a big boy?
What if they don’t know that you sleep with your mouth open, thus waking up from your naps with severe cotton mouth? Cotton mouth so bad that you almost immediately have to have something to drink when you wake up?
What if they don’t understand that your puppy dog isn’t just a stuffed animal to you? Puppy dog is a friend, a playmate, a companion who must go everywhere with you. Puppy dog isn’t to be shared because he’s your friend and not everyone else’s.
What if they try to force you to share? They won’t understand that you love that little stuffed dog like there is no tomorrow. And they’ll get on to you for not sharing your toys…tell you that you have to share or you can’t bring it back.
What if they don’t know that you eat everything with a spoon and not a fork? That you can drink out of a cup, but only with a straw? That you have to fold your hands to say the blessing before meals and that someone other than you has to say “Amen?” What if they don’t understand that you like your hotdogs cut up into pieces and served with ketchup? That you only eat the middle of Oreo’s and that you prefer Ritz Crackers by themselves instead of with Peanut Butter or Cheese?
Mommies know these things.
This mommy knows the shape of your face and the curve of your lips when you are doing something sneaky. This mommy knows that having someone disappointed in you breaks your heart; breaks it so badly that the only way anyone can fix it is with a hug, a kiss and the assurance that you are forgiven. I know that puppy dog requires a hug and a kiss before nap time and bedtime just like you do.
I know that there is a special routine for getting ready for any kind of sleep-nap or bedtime. A routine that requires me telling you that I love you “this much” while stretching my arms out as far as they will go and then wrapping you up. A routine that requires you to do the same…
“Mommy, I love you disssssssss much!”
Then I have to kiss your tiny little mouth, your nose, each of your eyes, and both of your ears. Because that’s just how much I love you. And then you do it back…Hugs, Kiss, Nose, Eyes, Ears.
I know one day I’ll have to let you go. Have to let you journey off into the big wide world and face whatever may come.
I know that.
And you will.
But, for now…
you can stay with me a little longer.
Because everyone else isn’t ready.
Sharing this post for Just Write @ The Extraordinary Ordinary and with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out
About Courtney
I remember leaving my oldest at day care for the first time (he was almost 2, and it was only for two hours). I walked away from the house crying. It broke my heart, and I had to keep reminding myself of all the stories I’d heard about kids who thrived when their parents thought they couldn’t possibly. My son never once looked back. In some ways that reaction never goes away…the mom’s reaction, I mean. A few weeks ago I sent my youngest for an all-day adventure with his daddy, and I felt weepy and weird about that. I was used to sending the other two off, but this one?
Kathleen Basi recently posted..I Filled The Diaper Drawer. Then I Freaked Out.
I totally get it. There is no one that I trust my son with more than his daddy….but I still get all weepy sometimes leaving him. Especially when he so vocally wants his mama. I don’t think we, as moms, ever fully adjust to being without or away from our children.
I totally know how you feel!!! Sometimes I sit at night while I’m rocking my Little Man or getting him back to sleep an hour after he goes to bed (happens every.night) and I think about how nobody else would know how to do it and nobody else knows the right way to get him to sleep or that he likes to carry his milk around with him ALL DAY or that he has to be held a certain way to get back to sleep. I even caught myself crying over it the other night thinking about how I don’t WANT anyone else to know how to do those things either. I have also thought about taking Case to daycare like 1 day/week just so I could get something done during the day but I, like you, know that those people won’t know how to take care of him…what will he do at naptime? Nobody knows hw to get him to sleep and he wouldn’t let somebody do it either.
Know that you’re totally not alone in these feelings and it made me feel better to hear it from you
Jessica Stansberry recently posted..Comment on Allergic reactions and a cute picture by Michelle Parrott
Yep. I get it. There are just some things about my son that I know that no one, not even his daddy, would be able to do. It must just be one of those magic mommy things. And you’re right…no one would know how to do some of these things right. No one would know that when my son goes to sleep, there is a certain way he has to be tucked in, else he won’t sleep. And the thought that someone might neglect that because they are “too busy” with other kids to give him that kind of little attention makes me nauseous. LOL So happy to hear that I am not alone.
that kid is gorgeous! this is a really sweet post. My youngest two have a “bunny” and “bear.” Puppy dog almost made me cry.
wendy @ mama one to three recently posted..An Interview with Erin Runnion. Because I Am a Mother Too.
Aww, thank you! I never knew a child could get so attached to a stuffed animal…but this boy LOVES his doggie.
Twitter: mommakiss
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Oh the places they will go, right? So so so sweet, that kid is beautiful.
MommaKiss recently posted..WTF Wednesday
Thank you! That’s one of my favorite books. Such a great message for our kids (and to us mamas in reminding ourselves that we have to let them go eventually).
No one will ever do it like Mama does.
Bridget recently posted..Enough of Enough
You’ve got that right!
Awww what a sweet post my friend. How you doing?
Ashley Sisk recently posted..High Calling Focus: Guest Post
I’m good. Still in waiting mode this month….
How are YOU?!
So beautiful!
I couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of Maddy either. I am going to have a cow for sure when we leave next week for St. Kitts! We’ll be gone for 9 days and we are leaving Maddy with Sean’s mom. It’s going to kill me!
Mandi recently posted..Living For Christ is Hard Too
I had a hard time leaving Noah with my mom or with Josh’s mom for extended periods of time, too. There is no one else (besides us) that I would trust him with more, but it’s that whole “out of site” thing. I was a wreck when Josh and I were both in California and Noah was in Alabama, but we survived it. Thinking of you guys!!
Twitter: ccnoffi
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It’s always harder on the mommies than the kids. I almost cried taking Keegan back to school after having him home all week for fall break. It was like starting all over again. Sweet post! Hope you guys are all doing well!
Courtney recently posted..Meet the Jackson Family
I can understand that. I can imagine you got used to having him back home (and I’m sure Presley was glad to have her big brother around, too!). We are doing good! Getting ready for winter and this birthday shindig this weekend. How are you guys? Still busy, busy?
My oldest son was always in day care….and I was always his day care teacher! My middle daughter started school at three, but had been with me since she was placed in my home at fifteen months. My youngest daughter has never been away from me for more than a few hours….and only when she was asleep. I’m grateful I can take her to work with me. I mean, who else would hold her while she sleeps?!?
CJ recently posted..Just Write – This Time
I understand completely! They definitely wouldn’t get that kind of attention (being held while they sleep) in a normal school setting.
Tough letting go. Good thing he’s not old enough to have to leave you just yet. When he is, you’ll be more ready & he’ll have the wings you gave him.
Cheryl recently posted..This is so very wrong on soooo many levels I’m going to do it . . . twice
Thank you, Cheryl. I hope so! I think I’ll hold on to him a bit longer while he still lets me.
Twitter: mommaparrott
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so so sweet courtney! i know exactly how you feel. love on that baby just a little bit longer
they won’t be this small forever.
You’re absolutely right. Even though I think we all wish they’d stay that way for a while longer!
Love this, friend! There’s nothing more fierce than Mama love!
Galit Breen recently posted..Driving Stories
You’ve got that!
Us mama’s are intense!
So what I’m going through right now! Why is
It so hard leave your kiddo with others.
Life As Wife recently posted..What’s in a Name?
Tell me about it! It’s so hard!
I just went through those same conversations in my head when my daughter started daycare/preschool two days a week. Letting go is so hard. And I wanted so badly to just be a fly in the wall or peek through the windows so I could decipher her toddler talk, step in when someone tried to steal her toys or when she was stealing someone elses. It’s so very hard.
Krista recently posted..Guest Post at Taming Insanity – Creating Memories… or Not.
I know what you mean. The thought of someone not quite “getting him” drives me crazy and almost makes me queasy. LOL Us mama’s are so protective.
Mommy will always be the one who understands all those wonderful little quirks. It is hard to trust someone else to take care of your child.
Tara R. recently posted..Rules of the game
Yep. We definitely will. I don’t think anyone will ever know our kids the way that we do.
Oh, this is so sweet. No one knows our kids like we do. But, I’ve also learned that by letting mine go, others have been able to show me parts of my boys that even I didn’t know. Different people see different sides and it’s taught me a lot to let mine go.
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: When I Can’t Be Upbeat
That’s a great perspective, Shell. I had never thought about it that way, but you’re so right. I know that I remember hearing my mom say that she learned more about me and different aspects of my personality through things that my teachers would tell her as I was growing up. But, it’s still so hard to let go…even when we know that our kids really will be okay.
Beautiful post.
You are right – no one knows your child inside and out like their mama.
Nope. They sure don’t!
No one knows them better than us! All of these little traits you wrote about made my heart melt at the thought of sending him out. So sweet!
Adrienne recently posted..Afraid
There are just some things that even the most well meaning people will never know or understand about our children.
Oh man. It is so hard to let them go. It’s nice to keep them around longer I think.
Anastasia recently posted..Trick Or Treat-RemembeRED
I agree. I really don’t think there is any harm in holding onto our kids just a little bit longer. We can’t get these years back.
So true! Even this year – dropping my babies off at kindergarten and 2nd grade – I teared up a bit.
Keri recently posted..Home is where your stuff is
I don’t blame you. If we don’t decide to Homeschool long-term, I can guarantee that I will cry when I drop my son off at school the first time.
This is so beautiful and true. Going through it myself 3 times I totally understand and I think it was harder with each one. The baby was ready long before I was. No one knows like Momma
Angel recently posted..PYHO-Finding the blessings in raindrops
I think that’s the way it usually goes. Kids are always more eager to grow up. I can identify so much more with my own mother now that I have a child of my own.
Ahh yes, I know this feeling. I still feel it a little bit when I leave my children and they are 12, 10 and 7. But I also firmly believe it’s good for them to have someone do things a little differently and see that the world doesn’t stop spinning after all and that hot dogs taste the same even if they are cut up in a different way.
Barb recently posted..once a list maker, always a list maker
I agree. It’s so important to give our kids outside influence and show them that the world continues to spin and go around, even if things aren’t always the same for them. But….I don’t think it hurts to hold on to them a bit longer either. They will only be little once.
So beautiful and so true. My children were on the door step of their daycare provides when they were six weeks old. I did not have the honor or privilege of staying home with them. Thus, by the time they got to school, there wasn’t really anything new. Embrace these moments with your precious little one. Mama knows best!
Barbie recently posted..Abiding {Day 26} – In the Storm
I can’t imagine how hard that was. Now that I’ve been a stay-at-home mom and been able to spend time with my son when he was a newborn, I can’t imagine not doing the same with another child. I have so much respect for mothers who have to work outside the home when their children are little.
Oh wow, this is so sweet! It almost made me cry. Hugs for the day when you have to let go, it’s going to be hard.
Andrea recently posted..The Bus Anxiety
LOL I almost cried when I wrote it. Hopefully I have a while to continue to prepare myself to let go. I don’t even like to think about how hard it will be.
This was beautiful!! Loved it and can totally relate!!!
Thank you, Charlene. It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone!
Great post. We were thinking alike this week…. I’m not ready either. To have my babies grow up. Kristen
Kristen recently posted..I’m Not Ready
It’s so hard. I wonder sometimes if I will EVER be ready to let go.
Twitter: naptimemomtog
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I love this. So touching. I am thankful that Dustyn is only in school 3 days a week and only for 3 hours. ha ha. It has been hard.
Sarah recently posted..Easy Canvas Prints {Review}
I can imagine. I don’t even like to think about having to leave Noah somewhere he isn’t familiar with. I’m sure Dustyn absolutely loves it though!
Wow, I totally get this. I have a hard time even sending Jessi to the nursery at church. I’ve been praying through going back to work, and it’s really tough to think about sending my girls to daycare…because no one knows how to care for them like I do. It’s tough because we as their momma’s know BEST and it’s really hard to let go!
kk @ the mom diggity recently posted..Veggie Tales – Little Dummer Boy {giveaway}
I can imagine. I always had a hard time doing that, too. I hated having to walk away from him at church when he was begging for me to come get him. But he always did so great after I left. I know he’d be the same at school, but it’s the thought of leaving him with someone who doesn’t know him or his ways that scares me.
Beautiful post. My heart aches a little bit each time I watch my 3 year-old walk through those preschool doors for exactly those reasons. It’s so tough letting them go!
Tracy recently posted..Oh, my heart.
I think that’s only natural. And I’m sure that when my little one gets a bit bigger and starts embarking on life’s little journey’s, that my heart will ache each and every time.