How Much a Heart Can Hold

I’m already amazed at how much I’ve grown to love this tiny little baby growing inside me. I know that she (or he…I’m just using the general she terminology) is no bigger than an olive right now and wouldn’t even fit fully in the palm of my hand, but knowing that this little person is going to be (and already is) a part of our family fills my heart with a love that I didn’t even know I had in me.

I knew when I was pregnant with Noah that my heart could handle how much love I had for him early on. There was a space inside me that I had been waiting to become a mommy for a long, long time. I’d dreamed of having my own child and preparing for his arrival was the highlight of my life (next to spending time with my new husband, of course).

With this baby, we waited and hoped and prayed and anticipated seeing that little stick broadcasting two pink lines that when the day finally came, the love I had for this baby was immediate. Anticipation and excitement were instantaneous, but part of me still wondered whether or not my heart would expand that much.

One thing they don’t tell you about being a parent is just how much love you have in you to give to a child.

How much I love my kids is unmeasurable.

A vastness of love so deep that I think the only way that they will ever fully understand it is to become parents themselves.

I still wonder from time to time-and I’m sure that the further along I get in this pregnancy, the more I will wonder-whether or not my heart can handle loving two children.

I feel sometimes like my heart is absolutely going to bust with love for Little Man. Can I handle anymore?

 

Since I missed the linkup for #52Faces last week, feel free to link up twice this week (last weeks post and this weeks post!).



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Comments

  1. says

    Love is incredible, isn’t it? It defies all natural comprehension. In its absolutely perfect form, it is unconditional, depending not on the one who is loved but the one who loves. It can mean something completely different when you say it to a child or a husband or a friend or a hamburger. And it can grow and expand exponentially at times when we figure we just could not love any more.

    Love is good. :)
    Laura recently posted..AmbiguityMy Profile

  2. Megan says

    I have a blog post similar to this when I was pregnant with my second daughter. If you ask anyone that knew me then, they all heard me say, “I’m not sure I’ll love her as much as my first.” Boy was I wrong. And when I was pregnant with my third there was no doubt in my mind that I would love her as much as my first 2 daughters. It’s amazing as a mothers heart can expand and grow.

  3. says

    It is an amazing thing having more than one child. It really is! Here is a poem that was passed to me when I was pregnant with my 2nd.

    “*Loving Two*

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand,
    basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
    Suddenly I feel a kick from within,
    as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
    And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then he is born,
    and I watch you.
    I watch the pain you feel at having to share me
    as you’ve never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way,
    “Please love only me.”
    And I hear myself telling you in mine,
    “I can’t,” knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

    You cry. I cry with you.
    I almost see our new baby as an intruder
    on the precious relationship we once shared.
    A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing,
    I find myself attached to that new being,
    and feeling almost guilty.
    I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him — as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change,
    first to curiosity,
    then to protectiveness,
    finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass,
    and we are settling into a new routine.
    The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
    There are new times — only now, we are three.
    I watch the love between you grow,
    the way you look at each other, touch each other.

    I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long.
    I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
    And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you,
    I’ve given something to you.
    I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are,
    but equally strong.
    And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
    Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you — only differently.

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
    I now know you’ll never share my love.
    There’s enough of that for both of you — you each have your own supply.

    I love you — both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.”
    Julie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Gigi’s CupcakesMy Profile

  4. says

    Isn’t amazing… I wondered about how it worked – all the love. Then when I found out we were having #2 it just happens. Love these photos. Happy pregnancy.
    Nessa recently posted..Being taughtMy Profile

  5. says

    I think that for me, it was not so much “do I have room in my heart to love two?” . . . it was “do I have the strength to parent two!?”

    But I realized very quickly that parenting two was more a blessing than a challenge. I can’t imagine not having both of my children now that they’re both here! Oh, you are going to LOVE it! Here’s a link to a post I wrote to my kiddos, regarding how I feel about parenting and LOVING both of them together.

    http://www.amywilla.com/2011/05/note-to-my-children.html

  6. says

    He’s looking so grown up Courtney!
    I worried about loving two babies too. And when Caroline was born I felt a little guilty because she was so easy to love in her adorable squishiness and snuggles and Andrew was, well, 2 and a half. But I still loved him of course, more than anything. One of the coolest things about having two is seeing them together. Andrew gets the biggest smiles Caroline has to give! It’s absolutely adorable. You’re going to love, love, love being a mama to two!
    Meagan recently posted..Spring SwingMy Profile

  7. says

    Ah yes…sounds all too familiar. And I’m not even pregnant. I had similar thoughts wondering if I could love my daughter enough. Then I realized how much our love grows. There’s more than enough. Just my fears should we ever have the blessing again. God has room for more than just one right? Guess we should check with Him first before we get attached to the idea. I would love to give my husband a son.
    Leah aka FFPMaMMa recently posted..Community…in just 5 minutesMy Profile

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