We made the decision together.
Me, you and your daddy. We talked about it and discussed it and covered every angle. We all decided that it would be the best option for you. The best decision to get you ready to venture out on your own next year and prepare you for Kindergarten.
Preschool.
We talked about it for a long time but kept waiting on the right moment and the right place to become available. We didn’t want to send you just anywhere. You deserve more than “just anywhere.” We explored lots of options and mommy even tried her hand at homeschooling you a bit.
But you much prefer to spend your time at home playing with your toys and jumping off the furniture. Your attention span with me is short lived. Not that I blame you. I’m probably not the best teacher anyway.
So we went for it. We took you to visit, took you to see where you’d be going and meet your teacher. You already knew two of the five other kids in your class. You make friends easily, so the social side wasn’t my concern.
Day one went off without a hitch. You got up on your own…feet hitting the floor with a big grin on your face.
“First day of Big Boy School!” you exclaimed over and over again.
You wore your blue and white striped shirt. You brushed your teeth with your new Angry Birds toothbrush. You packed your little backpack by yourself. You talked nonstop about the fun you were going to have when you got there. And when I picked you up a few hours later, you talked nonstop again about how much fun you had. You had Cheerio’s at snack time. You read a book about a little boy who lost his dog (his daddy found him at the end of the story). You went to the park to play.
Then day two rolled around. And day three. And I’ve left you there crying both times. Watching you try to wiggle away from the teacher and follow me back out the door is gut wrenching. Listening to you cry as I head down the stairs to go back to the car breaks my heart into.
Friday I peeked over my shoulder, trying to hide my own tears, as you yelled, “Please mommy, don’t leave me! I love you!”
I can’t tell you how hard it was to walk away from you.
But I know in my heart that it’s the right thing. You don’t understand it now. In your four year old mindset you don’t see what I’m doing…what we’re doing (daddy and me).
We’re preparing you to be a grown, independent boy. To be strong and stand on your own. To tackle the world without needing someone to hold your hand and guide you through it. We want you to be ready to venture out on your own.
Does that mean that mommy and daddy are ready to let you go?
Not hardly.
I sit at home working on the mornings you aren’t here and wonder what you’re doing. Wonder if you’re having fun and learning a lot. Wondering if the kids are being nice to you and if you are making friends. Wonder if you’re following the rules and using the manners that I know we’ve instilled in you.
And as you get older, those worries will get bigger.
A mommy’s job doesn’t end. And her heart doesn’t stop loving you just because you’re grown.
So for now, we’ll continue to pursue preschool. Because even though I’d love to scoop you up in my arms when you start crying and carry you back home to play, I can’t. Because I’d be doing YOU wrong and holding you back.
And I never want to hold you back.
So go forward, sweet boy and grow up…
slowly.
Latest posts by Courtney (see all)
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Twitter: AlisonSWLee
says:
It’s so hard for everyone, isn’t it?
The first time we dropped the Monkey off at preschool, his heart looked broken.
But he’s doing good, and it’s the best thing for him.
You did right by Noah!
Alison recently posted..Catching The Sunlight
Awwww – congratulations on this milestone. My son is in preschool two days a week and it is amazing to see how much he thrives there. He absolutely loves his teachers and classmates. I hope your son has the same experience!
Karen recently posted..A Morning Walk
Awww…preschool will be so good for him! Andrew loves it and is thriving, learning so much from the teachers and the other kids. You’ll both be so glad you did it!
Meagan recently posted..Ultimate Weekend Recap
Twitter: sarahmhalstead
says:
Love this sooo much. It took Dustyn about two weeks to stop crying when we dropped him off. Stay strong mama!
Sarah Halstead recently posted..Datevitation Review & Giveaway
Twitter: katbiggie
says:
This brought tears to my eyes! Freaking PMS has got me all emotional! But it just reminded me of my son and how hard the first few days of preschool and kindergarten were, and how I could hear him screaming as I walked down the hall. All I wanted was to rush back in, scoop him up and smother him with hugs and kisses. But you can’t do that. sigh.
Alexa (katbiggie) recently posted..TTTS Tuesday – Teeny Tears and Crew and Dex’s Story
It is so, so hard to walk out the door when they are crying like that. My daughter cried way more than my son, but then he started earlier than she did. They get used to it, and it gets better, and you ARE doing the right thing. Just keep reassuring yourself of that fact, and in the grand scheme of things he probably won’t even remember the hard mornings of the first days when his mom left him at preschool. I promise.
Jennifer recently posted..Gossip, continued {Creative Writing}
So many of us have been there. Hugs, mama.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..On the Move: At G*Funk*ified
This is SO HARD. I have been there, and my heart was broken. But, it gets better, I promise. He will start to look forward to it, and you’ll be excited about all of the things he’s learning. Hugs!
Greta recently posted..How Instagram Has Changed My Life #iPPP
Twitter: whatnowandwhy
says:
Greta, have you also had them reach the point where they don’t want to leave? Where they’re clinging to the teacher like you’re some kind of beast who wants to ruin their day by making them leave the magical land of school? UGH
Arnebya recently posted..What I Wouldn’t Give
Twitter: oneoldsage
says:
This is a magnificent post. I can almost feel the angst in each of you. Well said.
Nelson
Twitter: whatnowandwhy
says:
Boy, that first time is like…it’s unforgettable. I still, not often, but sometimes still, can’t bear Z’s crying when I drop him off (but he’s quite the smart one. He only cris when I drop him off. He’s all OK Daddy, see you later when daddy drops him off.) And you’re right; that’s a perfect description — breaking your heart in two. Sometimes it feels like more, just shattered into many pieces. But you’re right in that you’re doing what’s best for him, gaining independence, being resilient, self reliant, all of it.
Arnebya recently posted..What I Wouldn’t Give
Twitter: amy_willa
says:
Oh, Courtney, I was right where you are now just a few moths ago! Abbey went through a period where she would cry and say “please don’t leave me here! I want to be with you!” and bawl. . . but her teachers assured me every day that she was having good days, demonstrating really healthy signs, and learning a lot.
I think it’s an interesting perspective for those of us who are work at home mamas (and/or in school) . . . especially with a second child in play as well. Many days I feel like I miss her, because I am working and studying and doing my schoolwork and sewing diapers AT HOME in our space, instead of working outside the home and being in a different space and a different mentality. That must be similar for you with your work. . .
Anyway, it’s hard for a little while, and feelings of conflict of emotion will come and go. But a good preschool environment is GOOD for our kids. And soon, the season of crying for mom will be over and your heart can rest a bit
Love to you, Courtney!
Amy Willa recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Oh the Hilarity!
“So go forward, sweet boy and grow up…
slowly.”
I burst into tears when I read that. It is so, SO hard to let them go. This is beautifully written, Courtney.
Natalie recently posted..Where I’ve Been This Week 2012: Week 4
Twitter: angelaamman
says:
Oh, it’s so hard to leave them
Yes. Grow up, but slowly, babies. xo
angela recently posted..Drawing Lines
Oh, it’s so hard to leave them when they are crying like that. But it helps to know the crying doesn’t last long and that they get used to it pretty quickly- and love school.
Shell recently posted..The Official LEGO® Channel
Twitter: AskDocG
says:
I have gone through this four times. Four times! We’ve tried it different ways at different ages, and nothing changed the fact that those first couple of weeks were hard!! And then they each started to love preschool. Not just tolerate it, LOVE it! So keep the faith.
So. Many. Hugs to you and your sweet boy! <3
Galit Breen recently posted..The Music in Our Home
I never had this experience – had two boys who went to preschool at 2 years old and never looked back. Can’t decide whether they were just born independent or whether I was really, really boring.
Erika {In Erika’s Kitchen} recently posted..Quick multi-grain banana chocolate chip muffins
I had so many drop-offs with tears. SO. MANY. With my second son. That was last year, in pre-k 4, the same spot where your son is, I assume. And now he’s in Kindergarten and he goes to his class with no problem. I know how hard it is, I do. I cried a few times myself, walking away from him. But he was always happy when I picked him up. And his teachers always told me he was done crying within a minute or two. Hang in there, it does get easier. Promise.
Elaine A. recently posted..48 Questions (old school blog style)