I’ve been pondering on 2 different subjects for the past few days, and thought there is no better way to “ponder” than to play on blogger. I keep telling myself that I should “ponder” on these in-depth thoughts in my journal that way I would have all of it in one place, but it’s too aggravating to write it all in a journal and then turn around and type it all online. With an almost 3 month old, I hardly have time during the day to do the dishes and shower, much less write and blog. I’m doing good to have some time right now (It’s nap time…)
Ok…thought one. I was looking at old picture on Facebook earlier today and remembered my mom always telling me that in your lifetime you will only have 1 or 2 friends who you actually keep in touch with and you can actually consider your true friends. I don’t necessarily agree with that. Then I started thinking back on friendships over the years. I had a group of friends in grade school (there were 6 of us, myself included) and we did everything together. We were really, really close. Then, we all kind of drifted in different directions, starting hanging out with different crowds, and the 6 of us dwindled into just myself and my friend Ashley. We were best friends until high school, and then we drifted into different crowds. In high school, there was another group of 6 until our Senior Year…again we all went seperate ways. Then graduation came, we all went to different colleges and we all made new friends.
I thought that when I got to college that those friends would be it. You know, the ones that are there when you get married, the ones that are there when you have a baby, the ones you are a bridesmaid for. Those lifelong friends that never go away. But, then life happens. You do get married, you do have a baby, you move away and things change. But that doesn’t mean those friendships weren’t real. I think that friends come and go in our lives. Kind of like they are there for the right time and the right reason. Not that any one friendship is more meaningful than another, just that each one has a certain time frame. Are those friends I had back in grade school any less significant than the ones that I had in college? No. In my mind, they are all the same. Each and every friendship, in some way impacted my life. Made me who I am…I still have the memories shared with different friends (both good and bad) and I feel like I still carry a little bit of each person with me in my life.
Friendship is so important to me…and something that I have felt like I have been missing in my life lately. Living in Tampa, away from everyone and everything I have ever known, has definately taken some getting used to. And adjusting to very few friends has been one of them. It’s hard to make new friends in such a big city when you aren’t working and have a baby that isn’t old enough to have playmates yet. I still have my best friend back in Alabama…but it’s hard to get together, even over the phone. She has a 7 month old, works 2nd shift and goes to school during the day time. Bless her heart, I don’t know how she finds time to do much of anything else. I’m happy I have Josh too though. He is truly my best friend. He’s the only person that knows absolutely everything about me, and loves me anyway…even if I don’t always deserve it. Anyway…I think I rambled that thought on a little more than I intended. My point-I think we have a lot of true friend during our life time…just some stick around longer than others. Just because those friends aren’t there anymore, doesn’t mean they weren’t true friends to begin with.
Ok, thought number two…I think I have finally figured out why it is so easy for parents to fall in love with their children. It’s said to be a love at first sight kind of thing, and it is. But I have always wondered (and still did up until the past few days) why it is so easy to just love a child. Aside from the fact that a mother carries her child for 9 months (sometimes longer lol) and feels them growing, I think that we love our children so much when they are born because of their innocense. Think about it. A baby is the only person in the world that you have in your life that has never done anything to hurt you. They have never made you mad, never hurt your feelings, never broke your heart. They are pure. They are untainted. I was laying beside Noah in the bed the other day. He was laying there looking at me, laughing and smiling and making all of those cute noises that I like so much, and I realized for the first time just how much I love my son. I mean, I knew I loved him. No doubt about that. But when he was laying there staring at me, just being sweet and innocent, knowing nothing about the pain this world can cause and the pain in life he will eventually experience, it just hit me. This child was given to me by God to love and protect and take care of. And it’s a huge rush of emotion when that thought finally kicks in. I guess that’s part of why I’ve been thinking about all of that. It seems like the fact that I am a mother and that I have a sweet baby boy of my own, finally sank in. It took almost 3 months…but it sank in. It’s so amazing.
Well, Noah is awake now, sitting in his bouncy seat staring at me. It’s like he’s trying to say, “Ok Mama…I’m awake. How about you fix me a bottle and pay me some attention?” Gotta love the demands of mommy-hood. Oh well, I have to go pick Josh up from work in a few minutes anyways and then run a few errands in the nasty, cold, rainy weather we are experiencing down here….More next time I have a free moment I guess!