Even in Chaos, I am Blessed.

Yesterday was one of “those” days.

You know which ones I’m talking about. I don’t know if it’s something with the moon (ever notice how the moon gets the blame when our kids are driving us nuts?) or what. But it wasn’t a good day.

There were spankings. Time outs. Whining. Fussing. Crying. Clingy-ness. Spilled drinks. Lots of crumbs. Tantrums. Meltdowns. Squished chocolate poptart in my couch. Lots of boogers and tissue (since everyone in our house has a cold). There was mean mommy and yelling. There was name calling (Noah did, in fact, call me a booger head when I put him in time out the second time today).

By the time bedtime rolled around, I was itching to get the kids to sleep. I got impatient and frustrated when Jonah wouldn’t go to sleep. Standing over his crib, rubbing his tiny little tummy, I prayed silently that he’d just “go to sleep already!” so I could have some peace and quiet for a few minutes.

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When Noah asked for a story, I told him no. He didn’t use his manners or use his good behavior today, so we weren’t reading a story. “Bedtime stories are a privilege,” I said. Then I hastily kissed his cheek and his forehead, gave him a hug, told him I loved him and said good night.

I plopped down the stairs, tripping over a Lincoln Log in the process (which I then kicked down the stairs) and collapsed on the couch. Even told my husband that the kids were driving me batty and that I needed a vacation from being a mama for a bit.

I felt guilty the moment I said it. I really did. Because God knows that I adore my children and couldn’t imagine my life without them. But that doesn’t change the fact that I said it.

I do my Quiet Time in the evening when everyone else goes to bed. It’s really the only time I can get one on one time with God in the stillness of the late hours. Before I pulled out my Bible and my journal, I prayed that God would send me a message. That he would send me a message on how to deal with days like this…how to deal with the bad behavior and attitude we’ve been struggling with with Noah for the last few days.

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I opened up She Reads Truth to do the days devotion, and saw that there were two new posts. One being the devotion, the other being a cry for prayers for Diana Stone and her family who just lost their three week old son…after having already lost her twin boys a few years ago.

God’s message for me was clear.

YOU ARE BLESSED.

And blessed I am. My boys are both tucked safely away in their beds. I was able to hug them, kiss them, snuggle them and love on them before they went to bed. Today, despite the rockiness, we were able to laugh together, giggle, and play games. I gave them their baths. I picked out their clothes. We watched some cartoons and played airplanes.

My boys are healthy and safe. And here with me.

And it was a realization of just how fortunate I am.

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So, I’ll hang my head in mommy shame at the way I acted yeserday; realizing that I am the adult and should have done better. Should have loved more, forgiven quicker, and had more patience. I’ll sneak into my biggest boys room and stroke his hair and love on him one more time before I turn in. I’ll stand silently at the crib railing and watch my itty bitty breath in and out as he rests. When they both decide at 3:00 am that they want to be snuggled up in mama and daddy’s bed, I’ll scoot over and let them in.

Because we don’t know what tomorrow brings.

And I’d rather head into a new day knowing that I squeezed as much love out of these two babies TODAY as I could.

Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love…” -Ephesians 4:2

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. says

    Love. It’s so hard to remember how blessed we each are with the treasures we’ve been given. I’ll remember tonight as I also tuck my boys in just how awesome our God is. Praying for the Stone family.

  2. says

    I had to read your post when I saw that photo of your little boy in the sink. Precious!! My youngest is now almost 8 and how I miss those baby days.

  3. says

    This made me cry. I know that feeling of hanging my head in shame over acting like an idiot towards my kids. I was a complete B to my oldest this morning for reason really. I came to him in tears with a heartfelt apology. I hope that counts for something when he looks back at my poor behavior. We are blessed! Now if I could just live everyday remember that.
    Adrienne recently posted..Word VomitMy Profile

  4. says

    As a new mom I find myself doing that all the time, even when I don’t yet act like a bad mommy (she doesn’t cause trouble yet). I try to cherish this time when she’s tiny, because in a blink of an eye she will be moving out and starting her own life.

  5. says

    Thank you for sharing this heart felt post. I am a new reader (in fact I just stumbled upon your blog today from a recommendation of a friend). I can totally relate! I am a boy mom x3 (three boys 8, almost 6, 4). Life and motherhood are hard. Some days harder than others… but we are BLESSED. I love how God spoke to you in your most desperate moment. Not only once… but TWICE! What an awesome God we serve! :)
    rachel @RunningRachel recently posted..Intentional ParentingMy Profile

  6. Michelle says

    Thank you for this post! You hit me in the heart with this one. I too am a mom of two sons. We have days that are so very hard and frustrating and in the chaos, I forget that I am BLESSED. Thank you for reminding me. This post was Heaven sent.

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