November 1, 2008
So far, motherhood is coming and going with me. I feel like I’m starting to get the hang of things every once in a while, then I hit a snag and feel as if I don’t know what the heck I’m doing.
Noah is a wonderful baby so far. He is sleeping great at night and, even though he won’t breastfeed like I had hoped he would, he is taking to his formula very well. And he is so content. I have never seen a baby so at ease and so relaxed.
Josh is an amazing daddy. Noah has bonded with him so fast and it makes me so happy to see Josh’s face light up when Noah looks at him and wraps his tiny little fingers around his daddy’s.
It’s such an amazing a surreal feeling to know that Noah depends on me…on us. All of the choices and decisions that I make—big or small—are going to impact this little baby, this innocent little life. I look at him and am completely overwhelmed by my desire for him to be completely happy and safe.
I never understand what they meant by saying that when you hold your own child that the world seems better…until I had Noah. It does. It really does. Every little thing that is wrong and not going perfectly in life, fades away when I feel this little bundle wrapped up in my arms. No matter what else is going on, when I hold my son and he is laying there peaceful and happy, nothing else in this entire world matters.
And I have never been more in love with my husband. The way he is with Noah—the love and concern I see in his eyes for his boy—blows me away. I don’t know of anything he could ever do to make me fall more in love with him. For once in my life, I feel like I have everything I have ever wanted.
I love the only man in the world that I was ever meant to be with…and for some crazy and unknown reason, he loves me back. He is every thing I ever wanted in a husband. And now, I have a baby of my own. My own family. My own child. My son…MY son (and Josh’s of course…).
I am a wife. And I am a mother.
Life doesn’t get any better than this.
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I’m linking up to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop today and one of her writing prompts was to share an old journal entry. I have always kept a journal [up until I started blogging…and then this blog became my journal] and the day that Noah was born, my mom bought me this beautiful journal from the hospital gift shop. I wrote in it almost daily until I started my blog, but it’s filled with the initial thoughts and frustrations of my days as a new mom. It’s only probably half-full, but it’s probably one of my most cherished gifts. This particular entry is the very first one, written 5 days after Noah was born.
Do you or have you ever kept a journal?
Do you remember what you felt those first few days after becoming a mom?