Realize

May 16, 2012 By | 4 Comments

Don’t you guys love those moments in life where you get all philosophical and life just starts throwing these deep thoughts your way? Maybe it’s the island fever lifting, but that’s how I’ve felt the last several days. Having time to sit in silence while Noah naps and Josh is in class have led me to some great conclusions and certain realizations.

I’ve realized that my baby is, isn’t so much a baby anymore. I’m sure most of you probably already knew that. But it took a trip to Target through the “Big Boy” clothes section to realize that he’s growing up. And that he can wear a size 4/XS in shirts. Which means that I don’t have to buy the 4T/5T shirts anymore. He’s in just regular clothes now. ::tear::

I’ve realized that this pregnancy is moving much faster than my first one did in terms of how my body is reacting and changing. While we were out shopping I decided to go ahead and pick up some maternity clothes (since there’s no where to buy stuff like that in Kodiak). Maternity pants? Yep. Those fit already. Maternity shirts? Pass the large my way. And while we’re at it lets pick up a new bra. One whole size bigger than what I wear now. Surely this isn’t a sign of what’s the come. But what’s funny? I have only gained a pound.

I realized yesterday after getting out of the shower, that I will probably never be a size 5 again like I was in High School. I know they tell you that your body changes during pregnancy, but I didn’t realize how much until yesterday. I don’t know if it’s the leftover changes from when I was pregnant with Noah, or if it’s something new with this baby, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get down to that size again.

I realized that my heart can expand and can hold more love than I originally thought it could. Spending time with Little Man during the week…watching him “experience” the simple things he misses in Kodiak again (like going to Toys-R-Us) makes my heart swell and I swear that I love this kid even more as the days go by. And I know that it will be the same with another baby.

I realize that there are some things that just aren’t what they seem they are. Some people who aren’t what they seem to be. That’s just the cold hard truth no matter how you look at it. I also realize that this knowledge, is the reason I have been and continue to be so guarded about who I associate with and who we let into our lives. Because people change. Quickly. Whether you realize that they are or not.

Lastly, I’ve realized that my husband, my son and this new little baby are the best things that have ever happened to me. I love my family more than words could ever begin to explain.

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How Much a Heart Can Hold

April 25, 2012 By | 12 Comments

I’m already amazed at how much I’ve grown to love this tiny little baby growing inside me. I know that she (or he…I’m just using the general she terminology) is no bigger than an olive right now and wouldn’t even fit fully in the palm of my hand, but knowing that this little person is going to be (and already is) a part of our family fills my heart with a love that I didn’t even know I had in me.

I knew when I was pregnant with Noah that my heart could handle how much love I had for him early on. There was a space inside me that I had been waiting to become a mommy for a long, long time. I’d dreamed of having my own child and preparing for his arrival was the highlight of my life (next to spending time with my new husband, of course).

With this baby, we waited and hoped and prayed and anticipated seeing that little stick broadcasting two pink lines that when the day finally came, the love I had for this baby was immediate. Anticipation and excitement were instantaneous, but part of me still wondered whether or not my heart would expand that much.

One thing they don’t tell you about being a parent is just how much love you have in you to give to a child.

How much I love my kids is unmeasurable.

A vastness of love so deep that I think the only way that they will ever fully understand it is to become parents themselves.

I still wonder from time to time-and I’m sure that the further along I get in this pregnancy, the more I will wonder-whether or not my heart can handle loving two children.

I feel sometimes like my heart is absolutely going to bust with love for Little Man. Can I handle anymore?

 

Since I missed the linkup for #52Faces last week, feel free to link up twice this week (last weeks post and this weeks post!).



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When Other Things Matter

April 12, 2012 By | 8 Comments

I had an entirely different post prepared for today. Had a post about how full of love and excitement my heart has been these last few weeks.

And then we had a situation arise here on Kodiak that changed our day a little bit.

I’m sure some of you saw the news. That there were two US Coast Guardsmen who were shot and killed here on Kodiak Island. The first murder in 11 years.

Two men with families.

With wives.

With children.

Two families whose entire lives were shattered in a matter of minutes.

They put the base on lockdown because no one knows who did it or what happened.

Instead of working today, I sat snuggled up on the couch with my little guy.

We watched movies, played on the iPad and I sat counting my blessings.

I watched Noah play, knowing that he was safe. That his daddy was safe. That our family was safe when there are others only a few miles away who are suffering.

I rubbed my tiny belly and kissed my sweet boy; hugged my husband fiercely and thanked God for all of the things that he had blessed me with.

I get frustrated sometimes; get annoyed and, these days, overly hormonal. I say things I don’t mean and take out my frustration on people who don’t deserve my aggravation.

But at the end of the day, especially days like this, I realize that there is no where else I’d rather be.

No one else I’d rather be with.

And nothing else that I could need.

In case you can’t see it in his eyes, Noah’s been sick with a nasty cold/croup this week. He wasn’t much into having his picture made yesterday. Fortunately I managed to snag one so that I didn’t fall completely behind on my project. But, in case you missed it, I did take a lot of him on Sunday!

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8 Comments