There is a reason that I waited so long to write this post. For starters, I never even had intentions of breastfeeding baby boy #2. We had such a hard time with Noah…he wouldn’t latch, my milk supply was low, and we had ZERO support in that department where we were in Florida. I just assumed that we would formula feed Jonah when he arrived. In fact, we even went to the hospital with our formula of choice and a diaper bag of bottles.
And then Jonah was born. And he had those few complications within the first few seconds of his tiny little life. He didn’t get to come straight to me like we wanted and the nurse suggested attempting to nurse to get that bond going. So I did. And once I started I didn’t want to stop. I was providing nourishment for my baby boy. Nourishment that I had wanted badly to give to his older brother but couldn’t.
Breastfeeding has been a roller coaster of a journey for me the last seven weeks. Up and down, down and up. The first week and a half or so, I loved it. Couldn’t get enough of my sweet boy (still can’t) and our time to snuggle up and relax.
Then, I got mastitis. Which sucks the big one, if you’ve never had it. My body hurt, my boobs hurt, and I pretty much wanted to throw in the towel. Even the thought of holding my sweet boy to feed him made me cringe and I spent many nights gritting my teeth and fighting tears while he nursed. It finally got bad enough that I stopped nursing and we went straight to the bottle for the majority of his feedings and I just pumped.
About three days after they gave me a round of antibiotics, I felt like normal again and started nursing Jonah like I had been. The doctor told me to pump after each feeding to empty each side and then to pump every two hours if Jonah wasn’t awake/nursing at that time.
So I did.
And then I was engorged. Which hurt. And also led to a second round of mastitis.
Now…seven weeks into breastfeeding, I feel like we’ve finished the roller coaster ride and I can give a clear opinion on how I feel about nursing. Because two weeks ago? The opinion would have simply been that I hated it. Period. Dot. End of story.
We’re at that good place right now. That magical “aha!” place that everyone told me would come where Jonah has mastered latching on properly, my supply has leveled out, and my body isn’t completely rundown.
Things are good right now.
Jonah eats about every two hours for 5-10 minutes per side. He wakes up at night every three to four hours and nurses about five minutes before he’s back asleep for another three or four hours. We have the occasional restless night where he wakes every two hours. But, even then, he doesn’t eat but just a few minutes before he’s out cold again.
I’m back to the point of loving my little snuggly baby and enjoying my down time while he eats. Even if it’s only for just a few minutes at the time.
Does it get frustrating at times to be the only one feeding him?
Sure it does. For now, I’ve put the pump aside until he’s on more of a definitive schedule (we’re almost there). I am 100% convinced that all of the pumping with that first round of mastitis, led to the second round because of all of the extra milk. I have several bags in the freezer for when (and if) I go somewhere for an extended period of time. And I’ll be adding to that again soon. But for now, the pump is put away.
I’m past the point of feeling constant pain with each feeding and feeling too full every time he eats (no matter how long he eats).
That being said, I’m really glad that despite the pain and tears and doubting that we stuck with this this time. My husband (God love him) even told me to let’s go to formula a few times when things were really bad and I was crying during every feeding.
But I stuck it out. As much for myself as for my little guy.
I couldn’t breastfeed Noah like I wanted and there were so many who were questioning whether I would or could breastfeed this go around.
And I’ll be honest…I really didn’t want to. I didn’t want to spend six or eight more months with my body belonging to my baby. Especially after nine months of pregnancy. I didn’t want to have to be the sole resource for Jonah getting his meal (pump or no pump). I didn’t want Josh to not be able to spend time bonding during feedings with his youngest.
But all of those things are out the window now. And I’m nursing as much for Jonah and his health and well being as I am for me. To prove that I can. To show myself and those who thought that I couldn’t, that I can.
We don’t have a set time frame for when we’ll stop breastfeeding. My original goal was six months. Just depending on how he does and when he starts teething. I know we won’t nurse longer than eight months. That’s my cut off.
All of that said, I do want to thank all of you who offered support and encouragement in the beginning through email and Facebook. Those of you who shared ideas and tips for getting through those really tough times and initial weeks of getting used to each other and learning what the heck we were doing. You guys made the adjustment much easier than it could have been, and for that I’m extremely grateful!
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Breastfeeding is such a personal thing! I’m still feeding my 6th baby and feel sad at the thought of weaning her…
When I read your thoughts, I’m inspired by how you’ve done what is right for you as hard as it sometimes has been. That is the way it always should be:) Well done!
Jonah is a gorgeous little fellow.
Twitter: mommaparrott
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I’m so proud of you for sticking with it!!!! Way to go
Michelle {the Momma Bird} recently posted..Goals in 2013
Twitter: vivalaviolette
says:
I’m so happy to read this post, and to know that you stuck it out. My heart sank a little when I first read about you choosing formula, etc, before he was born. I’m so glad you gave it a try
My experience with BF was extremely bumpy too for a while, but nothing could ever compare to the bonding time I spent with my baby boy that first year. And I’m sure you know exactly what I mean now 
I EBF Dax for 12 months, and sometimes I felt like I would never be able to continue. It didn’t help that he popped his first tooth at 3months though- ouch!!!!! I also joined an attachment parenting group in my area to get extra support from mothers like me, since 99% of mamas here are encouraged to use formula.
If things get rough and you need to vent, feel free to send me a message. I know that there are days that can be so much harder than others in the beginning. Keep it up, you’re doing great!!
Heather Jones recently posted..Business Growth in 2013
Cross the “cut off” bridge when you get there, these months go by so fast (and yet, so slow). Good for you for sticking it through!! It does get easier once you get further along into this little journey. Good luck!
great post! good for you for sticking gout the roller coaster!
I am so happy that you stuck it out!!! The first few weeks are seriously hard and so many people give up (and with good reason). I know there were many many times I just wanted to stop, because it was hard and exhausting… but in the end — it’s so rewarding. I applaud you big time, mama.
Mandy@ a sorta fairytale recently posted..Bennett’s 3 year speech assessment
I’m so happy for y’all! I know those first few weeks are really tricky, but now that you’ve settled in to a good pattern your body and Jonah will get along better and better. You’re going to be so happy your stuck it out!
Meagan recently posted..Ten on Ten – January
I’m glad it’s working so well for you! I’m hoping to be more successful this time around with Gabe. With Ethan, I just couldn’t handle it, emotionally. He would scream his head off, wouldn’t latch well most of the time, and I’d just start crying. Jarrod was the same, offering we just “take a break” and give him bottles, and I tried for a little while to be the mom who was all, “No, I NEED to do this.” but eventually, I gave up. I pumped for 2 months and we gave him bottles, then, when my supply was running too low, we switched to formula entirely. I hope to be able to have more success this time, but won’t beat myself up if it doesn’t work out.
Twitter: sarahmhalstead
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YAY! Glad it is going well.
Sarah Halstead recently posted..In the Moment Stitches Giveaway & Coupon Code
Both of my girls were preemies. I struggled for 2 months with my first born and then gave up. I was sore, miserable & wanted to throw the pump out of a moving car. With my 2nd, somehow I gained more confidence and trusted my body more than the doctors and things just fell into place. Glad you have found a comfy spot for the both of you. Each mother knows what is best for her and her child. Trust in your heart.
Kristen recently posted..Memories Captured – Music Feeds The Soul
Twitter: AskDocG
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Way to be persistent. And to have the strength to find the feeding method that worked best for your baby with EACH of your kids. That is what matters.
I know exactly how you feel. I breastfed my oldest for 6 months, but my girls… It just didn’t happen. Depression, tongue tie, and lots and lots of tears. But my youngest boy, I breastfed him for 10 months and loved it. Even through his failure to thrive scare and some pumping we stuck to it. With every child, it was a roller coaster! It’s hard, but I don’t think you’ll regret trying to stick it out. If it doesn’t happen though, you did the best you could.
greta recently posted..Mamavation Update
Small goals are key! I had difficulty with the twins, since not only was there 2 of them, but they were preemies. So others advised me to make it to 4 months. Then 6. Then 9. Then a year. It really kept me going. it clicked for all 3 of us around 4 months, and they pretty much self weaned at a little over 12 months. I’m glad you stuck with it so far!
Leigh Ann recently posted..Headshots: A humbling experience
Twitter: envoutant
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Glad it is going well for you so far!
Austin-Lee recently posted..Up to My Eyeballs
Twitter: whatnowandwhy
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I am so proud of you, Courtney. Not for breastfeeding, but for establishing a method of feeding that works for you. And thank you for doing so so eloquently — it is your choice and even though it was hard (both times, albeit differently), you have clearly shown what it means to figure it out along the way. I did roll my eyes at people wondering if you would/could feed Jonah because it amazes me that people are so interested in this. I’m glad you’re still going for it, but I’d be rooting for you whether you were bfing or not because it’s what we all deserve: support in whatever decisions we make (even those that are made for us like in your case with Noah.)
Arnebya recently posted..Wanna See My Butt?
Breastfeed is the best for my babies. I appreciate that you are sticking feeding him in the right way. By the way you can do it.
Maris King recently posted..Timber Carpentry and Joinery is Tops
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
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Sticking with it through the hardest of times, makes you stronger. Everything else to do with breastfeeding after mastitis (blocked ducts, biting etc), will be nothing
I love breastfeeding. As much for the health benefits to both me and the boys, as for the fact that I’m lazy. The idea of mixing formula, cleaning bottles and so on, on an endless cycle, feels me with dread. I’m too lazy to even clean the pump whenever I had to!
We’re 8+ months in with #2, and we’ll go as long as the little guy wants. My cut off is 18 months, same as with his brother. I would feel like I’m cheating him of that time if I stop any sooner. Unless he stops first.
Good luck to you!
Alison recently posted..Memories Captured – January Linkup
Twitter: LauraORourke
says:
I am SO happy to read this post, and SO proud of you. I knew you weren’t planning to breastfeed, but I am so glad you gave yourself the opportunity.
I’m almost nine months in and I am still mostly exclusively breastfeeding, mainly because Gavin refuses to be fed any other way. He will feed himself solids, but refuses to let anyone put a bottle or a cup or even a spoon into his mouth. I’m going to cut the night feedings soon, but will definitely continue with breastfeeding being his main nourishment. Also, like Alison said, I’m totally lazy.
Laura recently posted..Little Girl in the Big City
I went through alot of the same things when breastfeeding my first, though we had latch problems from the beginning that led to alot of pain and mastitis for me – it took about a month for us to figure it out. It’s so hard to stick it out when you’re in pain, and sometimes you just can’t, but if you can get over that hump it’s all good! I had to pump alot in the beginning with my son and way over-produced too, which is why I think I got mastitis. It can be a vicious cycle. Thankfully things have gone better the second time around for me. So glad you were able to breastfeed this time and that it’s going smoothly now!
Glad I have followed your story on FB and am now clicking over to read. Like I wrote on your most recent post, I totally understand and am with you on the whole breast feeding thing. After mastitis, clogged ducts and 1.5 months of thrush I wanted to throw in the towel so many times, but something in me (the stubborn side) pushed through and I am glad I did (most days).
Amber recently posted..Project 52: Week 2 Details
I might not have made it if I had all of that in the beginning. It is amazing that you made it and stuck through all of that. I had to get my milk to come in a bit earlier than we expect but it has all worked out so well. I’m 15 months in…and working on totally weaning.
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