Life has me overwhelmed right now.
I am feeling so many different emotions right now, I can’t really even begin to put them all into perspective. It’s kind of crazy and, in all honesty, it gives me a headache. I’m feeling so unbelievably excited that things are finally about to take off for us. I’m sad for the looming departure of the husband to A-School. I’m gracious for the opportunities that are presenting themselves to us and for the amazing family God has blessed me with. And the fact that we are leaving Florida is bittersweet all in itself. Bitter because we have made some painful memories here, but sweet because this will always be our first home and it’s where Little Man was born.
In more ways than one I am simply humbled by God’s presence and hand in our lives right now. A-School is what we have been anticipating and waiting for for almost 2 years and finally it’s here. The chance for Hubby to finally get to do what he he abolutely loves, the chance to move again and really start our lives. I mean, we’ve been married almost two years but everything we want for ourselves has kind of been put on hold because time here was so uncertain. I haven’t been able to start back to school, Hubby is doing something he’s good at but doesn’t really enjoy, we’ve not really made any friends or gotten involved in a lot, and I’ve yet to really be able to create a home for us like I dream of doing.
But we’re there now. We’re a mere WEEKS away from getting away from Florida and getting started with life. I’ve spent hours and hours and hours on the internet the past week or two looking at houses in some of our top pick places we are wanting to move next and I’ve found some beautiful homes within our price range. Real homes. With driveways and a yard so that we can get little man a puppy. I’ve spent hours and hours studying the basics of starting my own photography business and I’ll be spending the summer getting a lot of that set up and doing some photoshoots to use to build my portfolio.
It’s a relief to actually know where we are going and what we are doing now. Things have jsut been on hold for so long that I’m kind of taken aback by the suddenness in which it has all happened.
And more than anything, I am humbled by all that God is doing for me personally. I spent a long time being upset and frustrated because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I went down several empty roads and explored several meaningless jobs and college majors. Never finding what I was meant to do. Never even really enjoying anything. And finally, after all of this time, photography-something that I’ve always enjoyed but never tried to pursue-has presented itself to me. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and plan to very significantly persue that in my life as well. And I’m seeing a steady growth in my blog and its readership that I couldn’t be more greatful for.
And in all of this, I recognize that things won’t always be perfect. That there will be troubling times and headaches and anger and sadness and that’s ok. Because that’s how life works. We’ve had ups and downs in Florida and will continue to have them everywhere we go. Life isn’t perfect and there are no gaurantees that things will remain perfect and peachy forever. As excited as I am about the changes that are coming, I’m sure that at some point during the time we’re in transition that I will cry, get mad, get aggravated and want to get it over with. I’m sure that, even though I will be ok while hubby is away, I will get upset because of how much I miss him while he isn’t there. I’m positive that in this journey I’m on to become a professional photographer, professional blogger and open my own business, I will reach the point where I am convinced it will be easier to give up. I’m sure that I will be hestitant to have another baby because of all of the uncertainty that goes along with being pregnant.
But we’ll make it. We’ll get through it. Because at the end of all of that frustration and sadness and uncertainty, is the promise of days like today. The promise of well being and happiness and the certainty that God is in control of all things and that he’s looking out for us in every single way.